Shut up
by tinglingsensation
Summary: Pete survives the fight with Tommy Hatcher. All is good, until Matt anounces he'll go back to america. Warning:Slash, fluff.
1. leaving

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Warnings: Slash.

A/N: edited

"Pete! Pete!"

There were voices all around him, people who were running, shouting, screaming.

Someone was sitting next to him, sobbing. And there was pain. His whole body was aching. He could feel the bruises Hatcher's fists had left all over his face, his neck, his chest.

He didn't mind. It wasn't important.

The only thing that mattered was that Shannon was safe. That Matt was safe.

The voices faded and everything was darkening. He felt someone grabbing and shaking his shoulders.

"Pete! Stay with me, mate. Listen, I'm so sorry…I should've…Pete! Stay awake!"

Bov's voice was shaking. Pete realized that he was crying. Why?

He tried to look at Bovver, but everything was blurred. Something warm and wet was in his eyes. Blood. He blinked, trying to focus. But the world kept drifting away, leaving him alone in a world of darkness. The only sound he could hear were Bovver's sobs. Then they were gone, too. Someone was moving his body, touching him, pressing cloth against his injuries. Massaging his chest. He wanted to scream, but his mouth wouldn't make a sound. Matt. Shannon. Matt. Steve would be mad if they were hurt. He needed to know. But darkness was binding him, enveloping his body, preventing movement.

Suddenly he was tired of struggling. If they were fine, good. If they weren't, then he didn't want to be, too. But I would've liked too see them once again. With that last thought, he surrendered to the darkness.

"Pete?"

A soft, familiar voice. Someone was touching his hand. He grabbed the fingers, hard and rough, those of a fighter. But to Pete, they were a lifeline at this moment.

"Pete?" The voice asked again. He tried to open his mouth, his eyes, say something, look who was talking. But he couldn't move his face. It was buried under thick layers of cloth.

"It's ok, Pete. Everyone's alright. Shannon is with Steve at the moment."

Matt. Pete suddenly felt at peace. His body was aching to sleep, but he didn't want to. He wanted to stay awake, hold Matt's hand without being ashamed. But Matt wouldn't allow it.

"Sleep, Pete, everything's fine. You need to rest now." If he had been able to, Pete would have grinned. Or smiled. Because of Matt's wrong conclusion. Because Matt cared.

He fell asleep.

When he awoke, everything was quiet, except for the beeping of the machines next to his head. For a while, he remained silent, listening to the display of his heartbeat. Then, slowly, he opened his eyes. It was easier now, most of the bandages had been removed. His face felt mostly nice and clean, if not a little numb. There was a window to his right, showing nothing but darkness outside. The door to his room was on the other side.

His room was empty apart from him. He sighed and closed his eyes. It was foolish to hope he would be there. He closed his eyes. And snapped them open when the door opened a moment later. There was Matt, holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Pete! You're awake!" Pete could feel his foolish stomach tingle a bit at the clearly visible relief on the other's face. "I just need to go out of the room for two minutes or so and you wake up. Great." Pete grinned a t the mock-annoyed expression on Matt's face.

Matt grinned too and sat down at the chair next to Pete's bed.

"How long have I been here?" Pete asked. "Two days or so. Bovver visited every day and Shannon came once, too. Everyone was worried. The doctors all said that there was no hope. Bovver said you actually died on the way here, but they could revitalize you. Tommy Hatcher sent flowers. And an apology card. Strange, huh? He seems to have vanished. Steve and Shannon are planning to go on holiday. They want to visit our Dad in Paris. He's doing some kind of project or so about the new president. Don't ask me. And the doctors also say that…" "Matt?" Pete grinned. "Yes?" "Shut up." Matt blushed and closed his mouth. "I'm hungry" "Er. I should I should fetch a nurse or so anyway." Matt stood up and left.

Pete chuckled. Matt hadn't talked this much for a long time. He was glad Matt had left, because he was sure he would have been noticing Pete's goofy grin.

Matt was sweet when he blushed. He…_God. I'm such a queen…_He was ripped out of his thoughts by the door opening. A nurse entered, followed by Matt. She was carrying a plate with food. When she had checked his vital signs, she left the room to inform the doctor.

For a while, Pete and Matt sat in silence, Pete eating and Matt watching him do so and drinking his coffee. "Say something. It's boring" Pete said in between two bites of his meal.

"I thought you wanted me to shut up" Matt said and stared at his cup. "Yes. You were babbling. But you can talk to me now. The silence annoys me." "As you wish, my Lord" Matt grinned. He started telling Pete about what had happened after he and Shannon had left.

Ten minutes later, the doctor entered the room. He turned to Matt. "Sir, may I ask you to leave the room for a moment?" Matt stood up "Alright, it's already pretty late, anyway. I'll come back tomorrow, then."

Without waiting for any answers, he left the room. Pete, upset that Matt had left, scowled at the doctor.

The next day, he was already awake when Matt entered. He smiled at him (stupidly, as he thought).

His smile faded when he saw who had entered together with Matt. Bovver.

"Mate, I'm so sorry. I did everything wrong. It's all my fault. Everything." Bovver kept on excusing himself over and over again, nearly crying. Pete didn't listen. He looked at Matt, who was standing with his back to him, staring out of the window. When he turned around, Pete quickly drew his gaze back to Bovver, who still hadn't finished with his apologies. "It's ok, mate. No harm done." Pete interrupted him, already tired of him. Bovver shut his mouth and looked at him with watery eyes. _Oh god. Don't cry. I couldn't stand that._ Matt must've thought the same thing, because he approached the bed again and said "Bovver, why don't you fetch yourself a tea or something? I'm sure you need it." Bovver stood up and left the room quickly. "Thanks" Pete murmured. "Oh, no problem. You know, he cried every time he visited. That was quite a nuisance." Pete grinned. He could imagine Matt, sitting awkwardly next to a hysterically sobbing Bovver, trying to calm him. He chuckled.

"I'm going back to America." Matt's words cut through Pete's amusing thoughts like a knife, destroying them completely.

"You…what?" Pete managed to choke."I'm going back to America." Matt repeated. Pete could only gape at him. Suddenly, he felt like crying, too. "I'm leaving this evening." Pete felt betrayed. "Why?" He asked, struggling to hide his emotions. "I want to resume my studies. You know, I've got a plan how to…""Shut up" Pete snapped. "What?" Matt looked at Pete in disbelief.. Pete kept his gaze fixed on the ceiling, fighting back his foolish tears. _Pussy. _He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't. Suddenly, he felt anger boiling up inside of him. How dare he? Leaving him alone like this? "Pete?" Matt asked softly. Pete closed his eyes. He couldn't show his feelings. He could show any weaknesses. "Have a nice flight. Say hi to Miss Liberty. Bye." Matt didn't move. "Pete…what the hell? I'm telling you I'm leaving, going back to university and you just…just…" Matt stopped, searching for the right words. Pete didn't dare open his eyes. If he did, he would not be able to hide any of his feelings any more. "This is the chance of my life. You could even pretend to be happy for me, you know." Pete didn't answer. "Fine. Goodbye, Pete." Pete felt his heart breaking when Matt stood up and left.

When the door had closed behind Matt, Pete hid his face in his hands. _Shit. Shit, Shit, Shit._

He turned to lie on his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. Nobody would see the tears who were streaming down his cheeks, soaking his pillow. Nobody.

Eventually, he fell asleep.


	2. coming home

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Warnings: Slash.

A/N: edited

The next morning, Pete woke up with a terrible headache. He could feel that his eyes were still slightly sore from crying. At first, he couldn't remember why he had been crying, but then it rushed back to him. _Matt._ He had acted like a brat, he had ruined everything. Now Matt would already be in America.

He wondered slightly what Matt was doing right now, if he was fine. Maybe he had met a nice girl in the bus. He would chat with her, exchange numbers…_none of my business. _Maybe it was better like this. For everyone. Even if Matt hadn't left, Pete would still have his feelings for him. This couldn't work out. Matt might like him as a friend, but only as a friend.

It was the best thing that could have happened.

He should forget him. Matt would study and get journalist.

Oh yes. He had almost forgotten. Matt would be a journalist soon. He would travel the world, tell people about starving children, terrorists, criminals. _Criminals like me. _

He would lead a nice, peaceful life with a loving wife and many children. _Nothing I could give him_.

Pete would stay here, lead the GSE, and then…_Yeah, what then? Loving wife, nice children? Not for you, _a mean little voice at the back of his head whispered. But it was true. He couldn't imagine himself with a woman. _Not anymore. Thanks, Matt._

_It doesn't matter._ He told himself. He would get over it, eventually. He didn't need a partner. He had never really had a long-time relationship, only flings, girls he would forget as soon as they had left his flat. _With Matt, it would have worked._ There it was again, the mean little voice, telling him what he had done wrong. _No._

Even if everything had worked out, there were still the others from the GSE. He knew Steve and Shannon wouldn't mind, but the boys from the GSE? They would hate him. He knew what they had done to this gay couple who had come to the pub once. They would do the same thing to Matt and him.

He stared at the ceiling. Even if it was the best like this, the knowledge didn't lessen the pain. He had hurt Matt. Because Matt cared. Even if he didn't love him, he definitely cared. If Steve or Shannon knew how he had acted, they would be mad at him.

Maybe he should apologize.

The door opened and a nurse entered. She carried a tray with food and Orange juice. "How are we doing today, Mr. Dunham? Does anything hurt?" _Yes. _"No, everything's fine. When will I be able to leave?" "Oh, I don't know. You'll have to ask the doctor. He will come by at lunchtime. Oh, and you've got a visitor. Pete frowned. It would most likely be Bovver, unnerving him with his whining. When the door opened, he was surprised to find Shannon standing there. She looked angry. _Shit._ But then her face smoothed, leaving place for a small smile. "Hey Pete. How are you?" She asked in a soft voice. "Fine. How's Steve?" "He's doing well. He still isn't able to speak properly, but he's glad you're ok. Thanks for saving Matt and me." She paused and her smile vanished.

"There's what I wanted to talk about. You know, it was really stupid of you to risk your life for us. Steve was extremely upset. We all were. You know, Matt was going mad with guilt, thinking you were dead. And there is another thing that I wonder about. When he came home the day before yesterday, he was really happy. But when I drove him to the airport, he looked like he was about to cry." Shannon's frown had deepened and now she was nearly scowling at him. "He was so sure that he would resume his studies, so happy. But when he came out of the hospital, he was...."She travelled off." Pete cringed inwardly with guilt. But he wouldn't talk to Shannon about Matt. "You don't know what happened, do you?" Shannon asked.

Pete didn't answer. But Shannon seemed to already know. "I don't know what you did exactly, but I can think of it. I'll leave you his number. I'm sure you want to apologize." Pete stared at her in surprise. Shannon gave a little smile. "Steve also never says something when he knows he's done something wrong. And you have the same expression like him. I rely on you to call Matt." She left the room, leaving an extremely dumbfounded Pete behind.

At lunchtime, the doctor arrived. After he had examined Pete thoroughly, he declared him healthy enough to leave the hospital. "I am impressed, Mr. Dunham.", he said, "You have recovered perfectly well." Pete merely nodded and started to gather the few belongings that lay around in his room. "I want you to come back tomorrow for another short examination. And don't strain yourself. Your health condition might be fine at the moment, but it will change quickly if you don't pay attention." Pete shrugged and left. He stopped by short at Steve's room, leaving him a note, as he was fast asleep.

Outside, he decided to walk home, planning to buy something to eat. Arriving at home, he put the food in the microwave and changed. When he put off his Jeans, a small piece of paper fluttered out of the back pocket. _Matt's number._ He picked the paper up, staring at it. He then decided to eat first.

He couldn't really enjoy his meal, as his thoughts always drifted off to a certain dark haired Yank. When he had finished eating, he stood up and put the plates in the dishwasher, still wondering if, and if yes, when he should call Matt. Deciding that he wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't, he picked up his phone and started to type the number.

But suddenly he hesitated. What if he was asleep now? What time was it in the USA by now anyway? Or what if he had an assignment with the Harvard-people right now? What if he…_is with a girl?_ Pete laughed unhappily. He, Pete Dunham, who never failed to break one blokes nose, kick his balls, knock him out, he, who never hesitated, was afraid to call someone? _Pussy. _When had that happened? When had he begun to think about someone else than himself? He looked at his watch. 3 pm. Then it must be…10 am in New York by now. _Or is it 5 hours later? Is it even 5 hours? _Pete growled in frustration.

He was starting to act exactly like Matt. He took a deep breath. It was only an apology-not a love declaration. Pete grinned. Then he typed the last few numbers and pressed the phone to his ear.

After some time, he heard the answering tone. _At least it's not switched off. _After what seemed to be an eternity, someone finally responded.

"Matt Buckner" "Hi." "Who is there, please?" Matt's voice sounded distant. _He is distant, idiot._ Pete gulped. "It's Pete." "…" There was only silence. "Er…" Pete felt suddenly highly self-conscious. "I…""Who gave you my number?" Matt asked. _I'm glad to hear from you too, mate. _"Shannon. She…" "She told you to apologize, didn't she? It's ok, you don't have to. I'll just tell her you called. That's what you want, isn't it? So…" "Shut up, Matt" Pete grinned.

"I wanted to apologize myself. Really. I think I was quite…unfriendly last time we talked. I think it's great for you that you resume your studies." _It's definitely easier to pretend on the phone. _ "I was only, er…surprised that you were leaving." _Understatement of the month. _

Matt remained silent. Pete felt awkward. "So, how is it going? Is your plan working? What is it, anyway? Matt? Are you still there?" "Sure." Pete felt stupid. He hated talking on the phone. "So. What is your plan, then?" "Oh, it's quite simple, actually. I threatened the guy who's fault it all was, recorded his confession, played it to the people in charge, and now I'm waiting for their reaction."

"You surely have learned a lot." Pete said. "I had a great teacher." Pete was glad that Matt couldn't see him, because his cheeks were blushed quite nicely by now.

"Listen, I think they've made their decision. I have to stop now." "Ok, then" "Bye" "Oh and Matt?", Pete added as an afterthought, "Tell me their decision, will you?" "Alright, Pete."

Pete was relieved. That had been easier than he had thought. It was great like this. They would remain friend, without the risk of him ruining their friendship by stupid actions such as trying to kiss Matt. He showered and went to bed.

The next morning, he slept in, then got up calmly, ate breakfast and decided to go to the Abbey in the afternoon. He wanted to look if the other guys from the GSE were alright, if anybody else had been hurt badly.

He talked to one of the guys and was happy to hear that no one else was hurt. He avoided Bovver and went to the hospital for the examination. On his way home, he met one of his former classmates and forgot the time.

He arrived at home late. Suddenly, he realized that Matt should have called him. He quickly checked his answering machine, but there were no new messages, except for one from Bovver, which he deleted without listening. He slumped into a nearby chair and buried his face in his hands. Maybe he could…_No._ If Matt didn't want to talk to him, fine. He had apologized. There was nothing else he could do. And no way he was calling him again.

He didn't know how much time he had spent staring at the phone, but when it rang, he startled violently. "Yes?" "Hey Pete, it's Matt." "Hi" "You won't believe it! They erased the conviction from my folder. So I'm able to resume my studies again. Isn't that great, Pete?" "Yes…", Pete croaked "Great. Great, indeed." It was suddenly hard to breathe. _So it's definite. He won't come back._ Somehow, he had still had the hope that Matt would come back, beyond all reason. "Pete? Is everything ok? "Yes, yes, fine. Everything's fine. I mean…great. Great it is. You'll resume your studies, wow. That's…" "…great, I know." Are you sure everything's all right?" Pete cringed. He couldn't stand it. The concern in the other's voice, his obliviousness, his own weakness. "Listen mate, It's quite late already. Buy yourself a nice bottle of beer and celebrate a bit, ok? I'll go to bed now." "Pete…" "Good night."

Pete slumped down right in his living room. The tears welled up inside him. He reached out and switched out the light. He knew that nobody was there who could see him cry, but nonetheless. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. He groaned. That was just what he needed. Not. Anyone of the other boys, wanting to drink something and beat up some harmless guy. Pete remained sitting on the floor, hoping that whoever was out there, would go away.

"Pete!" someone shouted outside. "I know you're there!" wait…someone? He definitely knew the voice. But it couldn't be…He stood up and opened the window. He looked down.

In front of the door, he stood. Pete rubbed his eyes, not believing what he saw. "Pete? Will you open up or should I stay here 'til tomorrow?" Matt shouted. Pete shook his head and retreated, opening the door. He couldn't believe it. How…?

Then there he was, in front of him and Pete just wanted to kiss him. Which he did. Not. (Only in his fantasies) Instead, he pulled Matt into a bone-crashing hug. "Asshole", he muttered in Matt's ear. Matt chuckled. Finally, Pete pulled back. "Why is your light off? Are you sleeping in jeans?" Suddenly Pete realized that his face must show that he had been crying. If Matt switched on the lights, he would…

Click

"Man, you look like shit. What has happened to you?" Matt looked at him, and there it was again. The bloody concern that made Pete's inside flutter and twist. He turned around. Suddenly, he felt that Matt was standing close to him. _Too close. _If he turned around now, he would be able to…_no. _Pete stopped his thoughts, before they could take dangerous paths.

He needed to say something, to break the awkward silence. "Why aren't you in Boston?" he asked? "Pity I'm not, huh?" Matt said, but he didn't sound hurt. "I said I would resume my studies, but I didn't say it was at Harvard. You know, I made up the plan quite some time ago and I had already sent my application letter to the London School of Journalism. They said that they would take me, but I had to send them my folder from Harvard. So, all I had to do was to erase the little flaw in my folder, and everything was perfectly fine."

Pete grinned. He couldn't stop it. He felt like dancing and singing and doing all kinds of embarrassing, _girlish_ things. He still didn't turn around, afraid to show Matt his face, still slightly red (he assumed) from crying, plastered with a huge, foolish grin.

He felt Matt stepping even closer, now nearly touching Pete's shoulders. "You thought I would stay there, didn't you?" he asked. Pete didn't answer. "Matt chuckled softly and placed his head softly on Pete's shoulder. "You're extremely stupid sometimes, you know." He slid one arm around Pete's waist, pulling him closer. Pete leaned back into the embrace, enjoying the warm feeling of Matt's body behind him. _Is this really happening?_, he asked himself. He hoped so. Then he turned around. Their faces were now mere inches apart. He smiled, leaning closer to the smaller man. "That's how you love me." He whispered and pressed his lips against Matt's.

The end

Ok that's it. Lol. I planned to make a longer story, but I just had to do it like this. Sorry if it's too rushed for you. But I'm already thinking about a sequel. (If anybody wants to read one) Maybe with a bit more action^^ this one was harmless beyond all reason…So…review please

I'll give you a cookie. (Or a lemon-y sequel, if you want one.) Again, if there are any mistakes, tell me.


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